A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
