Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
