I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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