Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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