Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
