You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
