Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You smell like stripper and shame
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
