yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
