Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
