Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
