So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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