She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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