Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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