last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
