i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
