he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
someone owes me an orgasm
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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