hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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