You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
