Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's official drugs can't kill me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just high enough for therapy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
