Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
