My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
