He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
