When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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