I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
