I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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