he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The air was thick with penises
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
