2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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