you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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