You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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