I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
