I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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