Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
