So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
