Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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