ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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