dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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