so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
