so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
