I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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