12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
