we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
