Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
