DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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