I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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