wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
