He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
