I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
