clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
