So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
