this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
